I always describe motherhood as a ‘beautiful mess’ because honestly, that’s exactly what it is for me on most days, especially in the beginning and especially as a first-time mom. I have always known I would be a mother; I just knew it in every bone of my body. As surprising as it was to be pregnant at 23 and unmarried, I was at peace with the chapter of my life I was entering into.
My pregnancy was not easy. It was as glamorous as I also expected and desired it to be; it truly was the opposite of anything I wanted, not just physically, as I suffered through hyperemsis gravidarum until 20 weeks, but because my relationship went through hell and back. We were not ready for a child. Well, I don’t know if you ever are ready because I was not ready for our second child either, lol. 2 under 2 was nuts for me, but now one year postpartum with my second, I would do it again.
The shift in my relationship during pregnancy and very early postpartum was traumatic; honestly, I feel like we are both still healing from that, but I will say it inspired how I mothered. I was fully prepared and devoted to being a hands-on momma, but the disappointment of my pregnancy journey made me realise you choose to be happy with the daily workings of your life, so it began. I started loving on my bump, taking pictures, and creating memories I would have like singing and dancing to worship music every morning with my belly hanging out. It became routine; it became memories that I will forever share with myself. I took that mindset into motherhood; I can make it beautiful even when it’s not so beautiful.
There was nothing beautiful about those night wakings to feed, sitting up in bed, breastfeeding while the father of the child just slept right through. But I chose to make it beautiful and romanticise this gruesome daily task when I viewed it as a date when I viewed it as the only time of the day when there is complete stillness, no distractions, and no interruptions—just me, my boob, and my daughter counting on me to give her life. It was a beautiful mess.
I share this because I want to give an idea of what I meant by my choosing to romanticise motherhood. Every day is tough in motherhood, no matter what you do, but it’s the parts of those days that you pick to make special, beautiful, and romantic. I am now a mother to two toddlers. My girls are 2.5 years old and 1 year old. It is not easy. A lot happens in one day; a lot of not-so-nice things happen, but a lot of beautiful things happen, and people choose to see those.
This is all not to say we aren’t allowed to be tired, complain, or even hate motherhood. That wouldn’t be realistic. It’s simply an encouragement to know that count your blessings; there’s beauty in the mess.
Love,
Bonolo
