Our Adoption Story: Embracing Difference, Dispelling Myths, and Living Love

Every adoption story is unique, and with its beauty comes inevitable opinions and remarks from others. I’m not sharing this to expose or challenge anyone’s perspective but rather to encourage and inform those considering adoption, walking alongside someone who has adopted, or even meeting someone at a coffee shop or in a local shopping centre.

We’ve encountered many questions, some well-meaning and others that sting:

• “But why adopt if you can have your own children?”
• “What about your ‘own’ children?”
• “Does it feel the same as having biological children?”
• And the one that wounds the most: “You can’t be his real parents.”

Even in seemingly harmless moments, there have been misunderstandings. A cashier once asked my husband, “Where is his mom?”—implying the child didn’t belong to him. These moments, while painful, have taught me much about grace and perspective. Over the years, I’ve realised that my responses matter more than others’ opinions. While I can’t control the hearts of others, I can respond in ways that enlighten and soften.

Don’t get me wrong—a mama’s heart remains fiercely protective. If anyone were to harm my children intentionally, gentleness would not be my first response. But I write this for those who are already on the adoption journey, or those supporting a loved one who is considering it.

Ignorance and Understanding

What I’ve come to understand is that many comments stem not from malice, but from a place of ignorance or misunderstanding. South Africa’s layered history has shaped different narratives for each of us, and these remarks often reflect misconceptions rather than ill will. Still, they remind me that part of my role as a parent is to prepare my children for a world that may ask hard questions.

We can’t shelter them from everything, but we can teach them the truth in such a way that enables them to embrace their differences confidently. They may encounter remarks about their skin colour or their story, but we want them to respond with grace rooted in truth.

To those who have asked us, “Why adopt?” my answer is simple: “Why not?” Nurturing and loving a child can change both their life as well as that of the generations to come.

The Spirit of Adoption

I wish I could convey the moment we first met our son. We felt God’s presence so powerfully in that room, and in that moment, we understood the depth of His words: “I will be a Father to the fatherless.”

Adoption isn’t just a physical act—it’s a reflection of God’s heart for us as His children. It’s a spiritual calling. When people ask about our “own” children, I tell them the truth: the ones who call me “Mommy,” who grow up in our home, are our own.

We’ve surrounded our family with cross-cultural adoptees, foster families, and supportive communities where our children’s stories are celebrated. Together, we embrace their heritage, teaching them to navigate and honour the beauty of their diverse roots. And above all, we teach them that we have all been made in the image of God.

Culture and Love

One question that often lingers unspoken is about culture: “What makes your culture better than another?” The answer is simple: nothing. Our decision to adopt wasn’t about culture—it was about love. To reject a child based on cultural pride would reveal something about the state of our hearts, not the child’s worth.

We embrace the beauty of our cross-cultural family. Our children are learning English, Afrikaans, and Xhosa as a reflection of their heritage and our respect for it. Love knows no boundaries, and our family is richer for it.

Why Have Many Children?

We’re often asked why we chose to have a big family, and my response is rooted in Scripture: “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” They are not burdens but arrows we can release into the world. Our home may be chaotic at times, but it overflows with love, laughter, and joy.

A Call to Love

Our story isn’t perfect, and challenges will come. But we hold onto the truth that God is sovereign. Adoption, for us, is not about charity; it’s about receiving—receiving more love, understanding, and joy than we could ever imagine.

If you are considering adoption or know someone who is, my prayer is that you’ll see it as an opportunity to reflect God’s boundless love. Nurturing and loving a child has the power to ripple into generations, creating stories of redemption and hope.

Adoption is the heart of the Gospel—a reflection of a Father who calls us His own. And that, for us, has been the greatest gift of all.

Rode x